This Underwear From Amazon Is Basically Wedgie-Proof

"Никогда нельзя знать заранее, как впоследствии обернутся обстоятельства." Артур Конан Дойл ZM
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Granny panties, but make it fashion.

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I am on the internet for two primary reasons: memes, and oversharing about my butt. Which is why I am pleased to announce that I have discovered entirely wedgie-proof underwear, which is currently available in women’s sizes S-5XL in a five-pack for $21.99+ on Amazon.


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This is truly a must-read for anyone whose current underwear is ~bumming~ them out.

As I discussed in a previous butt-adjacent post in which I sang the virtues off Thinx’s period-proof underwear, I am a very wedgie-prone individual: I run long-distance, I sit like an antsy toddler when I work from home, and I am, in general, a human magnet for embarrassing situations.


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Embarrassing like when you look to the left, look to the right, think you’re in the clear to pick a wedgie, and then spot the kid you used to tutor popping out from a side street just as you grab your undies and yank them outta high heaven. Lockdown is going very well for me, thank you for asking!!!

Enter this five-pack of full-coverage underwear (from Ummiss) you can get on Amazon. They are not messing around when they use the words «full coverage.» The bottom seams are barely noticeable when you put them on, but still latch to your booty and anchor there through the whole day.


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Like, I often sink so far into the couch over the course of a day that I go from a 90-degree angle of regular sitting to laying like a drunk starfish with my computer propped on my chin, and these do not move a millimeter throughout.

The waistband is also so comfortable that I could write a country song about them. The front of the waistband is double layered and seamless, so nothing ever pinches or rubs weirdly.


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They’re also HECKAAAA stretchy without ever getting loosey-goosey in your pants.

I also deeply appreciate that the seams are flat enough that they are not very visible when you’re wearing leggings, which is, incidentally, something I am doing a lot of lately.


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They also stay put when you’re wearing tight jeans, which I continue to do a few days a week for reasons that are beyond me. But just in case that information is relevant to you for your mid- or post-lockdown life, now you have it in your brain.

I’ve also washed this set of underpants quite a few times now since I bought them a few months ago (and put them through the wringer with some VERY long, sweaty runs), and they’ve held up spectacularly.


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I usually get my underwear from more name-brand places when they go on sale, and the material on them is great, but tends to thin out and get holes within a few months. These are a 95% cotton and 5% spandex blend with some quality stitching that have yet to show any sign of wear and tear.

And I am far from the only person raving about these underpants — there are hundreds of 5-star reviews from people whose butts are as satisfied as mine. (FWIW, a lot of people also flagged that these are great for postpartum and post-surgeries, since the seams are so gentle!)


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«So, I have been searching for new underwear for a while. I have always bought Hanes boyshorts, but the quality has gotten terrible. They would get holes in the material within weeks and would stretch out. I loved the fit and comfort of boyshort cut, and was hesitant to try something different. I HATE when underwear digs into my groin/thighs. These underwear are fantastic! Honestly I’m shocked at how comfortable they are. I was expecting to hate them, and I love them. They are soft and don’t dig in at all. The elastic is not exposed. The wide band in the front is so comfortable. The stitching seems durable. Only time will tell exactly how durable and long lasting these will be. But so far, I’m very happy with my purchase. I will be getting more.» —Dianarazana

«These are incredibly comfortable, as they are cotton with stretch. They stay put! They don’t ride up or down — and I’m on the heavier side, so that is a problem I usually have! Not with these! The colors are rich, too. I’ve now washed them several times, and they hold their color and shape. Very pleased and will definitely buy more when needed!» —EledaM

«Love it … very comfortable, soft and fit as expected. As a postpartum mom with C-section incision on the bikini line, it fits perfectly so that the panty doesn’t roll down to the incision so it is making me very comfortable.» —sabi

«Very nice panties. The fit is just what I like — very comfortable and no ride up, the colors are nice too. Like the full coverage and stay in place of these panties and the wide band on the front adds a little extra hold on my stomach. These panties are my favorite style full-cut brief with a low rise. Will buy again.» —Chris C.

All of these glowing reviews aside, it mostly comes down to this: I just cannot with things that aren’t comfortable right now. I truly can’t. My standards for quality human interaction may have lowered down to socially distant Zoom calls, but my standards for comfy clothing are now higher than the Empire State Building.


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If there is anything I hope we take out of 2020, it’s that «cheeky cut» underwear should be canceled. Whomst is it even serving?? Why are we creating things that seem to be built to just shift up and down your butt? I respect granny panties and thongs because they know where to be and how to stay there, but other underwear…you’re on notice.

You can get a five-pack of the underwear on Amazon for $21.99+ and in seven color combos, in sizes S-5XL. In the meantime, may I present the only GIF in the history of ever in which I do not relate to Liz Lemon one bit.


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LONG LIVE OUR GRAY GRANNY PANTIES!!!

Stay comfy out there, y’all.

Looking for more? Check out our picks for the places that sell the best underwear for women online, the best places to buy bras online, or our favorite places to buy affordable lingerie online.

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