Sorry To Tell You, But Fruit Candy Is Gross (And An Insult To All Other Candy)

"Вы себе не принадлежите, поскольку вам не принадлежит ваше внимание." Вадим Зеланд ZM
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*taps mic* — Fruit candy is an insult to all other candy.

If there’s one food that makes me think, «Ew, who’s still buying those?» — it’s fruit candy.


walmart.com

Like other things that haven’t aged well, we all need to collectively move on from the stuff.

I can imagine a future generation discovering these chalky discs and filing them away as evidence of our sad palates.

If you need a refresher, here’s what flavor all of your candy SHOULD come in.


Ritter

CHOCOLATE!!!

In this advanced age of crispy KitKats, creamy Reeses, and (personal fave not listed here*) 100 Grands…


Google

(*WYD google)

Fruit candy, by contrast, has just one quality: It’s hard.

If you like fruit candy, then you’re probably the kind of person who also enjoys sorbet.

Even kids know stuff like this should be criminal to give out for Halloween.

Anyway, to recap. Fruit candy?

Plastic pocket sprinkles!

Fruit candy doesn’t have the creamy satisfaction of chocolate, or even give you the dopamine rush of other desserts like cake and ice cream.


Walmart / BuzzFeed

One time, a friend held out a handful of fruit candies and asked me to choose one. I stared blinkingly at his sad example of «options» and told him he’d never make it in life.

Despite all that, I’ll admit it. This is the ONE non-chocolate candy I’ll still eat:

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