I’m South Asian-American. Grew up in the Midwest. I’m now 27 years old, working hard in law school, passed all my classes in a pandemic, and just got my dream internship, but you know what my family only cares about?
The fact that I’m not married.
Never mind that my aunt is on the brink of divorce. Never mind that my mom was dissatisfied for 30 years with my father, and is still tolerating the marriage. Never mind that my grandmother and late grandfather had a turbulent marriage in which she was extremely controlling of everyone. No, never mind any of that shit.
I’m the failure because I’m not married. My worth as a human in their eyes is solely defined by my relationship status. My mom, aunt, and grandma were pressuring me to talk to people, saying “it’s unislamic to be alone, you won’t be safe being alone, you will just be a miserable old cat lady, look at how fat you’re getting now.” And all that tension and screaming I just agreed to shut them up, and now this random ass man won’t stop messaging me. I just want to block him and move on.
I know I’m not in the best shape anymore, but I’m working on it and have been loving the gym. Quarantine has made working out hard, but I’m going to try to get back on track soon. It makes me feel sick that my only worth in their eyes is how good I can look so I can “get a man.”
I don’t care if I end up as a single old cat lady. I just want to be happy. Whatever my choice in the future, I’m still a human, I deserve to be treated with basic respect. Living away from them during the summer will be a godsend, but I’m worried when I have to move back.
Having a man doesn’t make women superior to those who are single, full stop. I enjoy my single life, I love focusing on me, doing well in school and work, getting whatever I want, working on my fitness, treating myself. I’m of the mind that if it’s not a relationship where both people are happy, it’s not worth having. If I wanted kids, I could just adopt someday.
How do you all deal with the shaming/these relatives?