23 Tweets Teenagers Shouldn’t Read, But Their Parents Definitely Should

"Каждый хочет изменить человечество, но никто не задумывается о том, как изменить себя." Лев Толстой ZM
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Ah, raising teenagers. It’s a — how should I put this — joy, isn’t it?


To get through it, you need a good sense of humor, and these parents of teens have very, VERY good ones:


«Mom, have you lost weight?» is teenager for «I broke something really expensive that you don’t know about yet.»



Something old
Something new
Something borrowed
Something blue
Something that might be a sandwich

— things I find on my teen’s floor


Raising teenagers makes you age in dog years!

I think I look pretty good for being 343!!! #truelife #parentingteens


Stay tuned for my next book all about raising a teenager that will be entitled, «I don’t know what time it starts or where I’m going or who’s going to be there and I’m annoyed you’re so concerned over minor details».


“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
― Nora Ephron


How is it that my teenager feels free to scroll through my phone, check out my entire camera roll and read every last one of my text messages, but has a literal stroke if I make eye contact with her lock screen?


Me: Will you empty the dishwasher please?
My teenager: I’m good
Me:Thank you
My teenager: That actually means No….that’s how my generation talks
Me: Lets try this again, Empty the fecking dishwasher or you’ll get my foot up your arse , That’s how MY generation talks #IrishMom


My 16 year old is named Dexter and he was texting a bunch while ignoring me so i called him “Texter” and let me tell you about the world’s largest, most angsty sigh


My teenager just unloaded the dishwasher without being asked. She’s either done something wrong or it’s the goddamned apocalypse.


At the airport.
Just kissed 13yo son on his forehead.

He reacted like Dracula getting impaled by a wooden stake.


Baby giraffes can walk right after birth.

My kids are teens and still can’t pour a drink without spilling it.


The look of boredom on my teenager’s face when I ask him to do anything for me. Yeah I was bored when I was in labour for days too but it got much more exciting when they cut me open because you were asleep and decided to disengage. HAPPY DAYS.


Raising a teenager:

3:30 pm: Mom, when will you take a break from work to love me? You’ve been working all day.

3:31 pm: When are you going back to work? I have YouTube videos to watch.


Raising teenagers is having to ask them a thousand times to complete a simple task thereby taking years off your life in the process.


Raising teenagers is like trying to fish a contact lens out of your eye when you’re drunk.


Do’s and Don’ts when raising a teenager:

*Act excited when you see them
*Ask them how their day was
*Make any jokes… they will never be funny
*Expect any form of affection
*Sing out loud when driving
*Expect them to tell you that they love you

*Love them anyway


Having a teenager is like having a cat that only comes out to eat and hisses when you try and pet it.


My 15 year old just now: mama, do you still have those ugly 90s looking sneakers I always make fun of.

Me, beaming: No! I got rid of them and got some trendy ones.

Her, crying: No! Mom why?! I need them! They’re in style now! *runs off upset*

The end.


Son turned 13 yesterday.

This morning my husband asked how it felt to be a teenager.

Without missing a beat he said, «Shut up, Dad.» 😂

Good times!


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