22 Married Couples Who Were Doing Much, Much Better Before This Whole Quarantine Thing

"Своим успехом я обязана тому, что никогда не оправдывалась и не принимала оправданий от других." Флоренс Найтингейл ZM
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«I miss the days when my work wife and my wife-wife were different people.»

We rounded up some of the funniest tweets we could find about being quarantined 24/7 with your spouse, and y’all, these are hilariously real:


CBS

1.

My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it’s called «Why Are You Doing It That Way?» and there are no winners

2.

Wife: Did you know 95 percent of people are immune to leprosy?

Me: Wow.

Wife: Did you know humming birds are the only bird that can fly backwards?

Me: Oh.

Wife: Did you know I’m going to keep reading you facts until I’m not bored anymore?

Me: This quarantine needs to end.

4.

Home quarantine status: my husband learned how to play “Beat It” on the ukulele and tried to show me but I’d locked myself in the bathroom

5.

Me: *yelling through the front door* THANKS FOR THE DELIVERY. JUST LEAVE THE GROCERIES ON THE DOORSTEP.

Wife: let me in the fucking house.

6.

Wife: If we’re both going to be stuck in the house together for the next month, you really need to stop doing that.

Me: Stop doing what?

Wife [gesturing to me, in general]: that.

7.

I told my wife about a dream I had where she was mad at me and she sided with dream wife and is now actually mad at me

9.

#Quarantine week 3. My wife has started throwing baby showers for all the birds nesting in our backyard. Please send help.

11.

Wife: don’t tweet about me anymore.

Me: I won’t.

Wife: are you tweeting this convo right now?

Me: don’t be ridiculous *sends tweet*

Wife: you just said “sends tweet” out loud.

12.

My husband and I were having a hypothetical conversation about opening an restaurant after all of this is over and it was really fun until we started to disagree on how we’d run things and who we’d hire and now our restaurant is going under and we’re getting a divorce.

14.

I reveal a different one of my annoying tendencies to my wife each day in quarantine just to keep our relationship spicy

15.

I told my husband I wanted to buy an expensive blender, he said we don’t need an expensive blender. Long story short, how long should I wait before I tell him it arrives tomorrow?

16.

I can’t wait until this quarantine is over so I can argue with my husband in public again.

18.

I’ve attended so many lectures from my wife, once this quarantine ends I’ll graduate as a valedictorian

19.

Me: I’m kind of depressed today.

My husband: Cool wanna go over our finances this evening?

20.

Today my husband asked if I wanted another baby… SIR I know that’s the quarantine talking don’t even play with me right now because the answer is yes

21.

My husband’s favorite snack while we watch tv is whatever makes the most noise, apparently.

22.

Wife: *asks me for a minor favor*

Me: Not right now. My life is falling apart.

Wife: How is that different than any other day?

If you think these husbands and wives are as hilarious as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter for more quarantine marriage realness! Stay safe!






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