This couple that needs ALL the good vibes.
«My fiancé and I were aboard the cruise ship that got locked down for coronavirus. Ever since the second confirmed case on our boat, we’ve been quarantined, and we haven’t had human contact with anyone except each other for a week. We’re going stir-crazy. We currently have no symptoms.»
This dangerously petty girlfriend.
«My girlfriend and I broke up on the US–Canada border. The Border Patrol agent asked us how we knew each other, and she said that we didn’t, because we had just had an argument and she was pissed at me. We were detained for hours.»
This anti–love boat.
«I found out he was cheating on me on day three of a five-day cruise. After an all-night fight and a subsequent breakup, we spent the remaining two days trying to avoid each other while trapped on a floating prison. The four-hour car ride home was no picnic, either.»
This third-wheeling nightmare.
«I went on a Disney World vacation with my then-boyfriend and his mother. Not his family — Just. His. Mother. She third-wheeled the entire time and refused to go on any rides, which is kind of the whole point of Disney World. I spent the whole vacation counting the days until it was over.»
This out-of-control companion.
«I went on a cruise with my then-boyfriend. The boat stopped in Mexico, and as I was getting my hair braided, he wandered off. He came back clearly high and told me that he had found a guy who had sold him some drugs. He wanted to find somewhere for us to ‘experience it all together,’ and I vehemently declined, as I did not want to end up in a foreign prison. Still, he continued to duck into alleys and bathrooms all day. Well, the drug dealer must have been an informant, because the moment we entered customs to get back on the ship, he was pulled aside by Mexican authorities and told to remove his clothes. He had consumed all of the drugs and there was nothing to find, but I was livid. As I said, he is now my ex.»
This all-around asshole.
«I went on a group vacation with my then-husband and some other couples we knew. He had persuaded me that we were ready to have a baby, and I was super excited to start trying after we got back. I mentioned our plans over dinner (they weren’t a secret), and he told me in front of everyone that he had changed his mind because he thought that I wasn’t mentally stable enough to be a mother. Turns out that he had been cheating on me, and all our friends on the trip knew. Needless to say, they’re all gone from my life.»
This unexpected phone call.
«My husband’s coworker got a phone call from her husband’s lover of four years…while she was on her honeymoon.»
This overly attached parent.
«When my sister and her husband were at the airport waiting to board their flight to their honeymoon destination, they saw our mother at the gate — with a suitcase. That’s right: My mom crashed my sister’s honeymoon by taking her vacation at the same time — on the same flight, to the same resort. It all but ruined their honeymoon to keep running into her over the course of that week, but they recently took a trip that they called their ‘real honeymoon’ to celebrate nine years of marriage.»
This worthless husband.
«I was 8 months pregnant when my ex-husband and I went on a trip to Scotland. One day, while we were getting ready to return from visiting a remote island, I became sick and had to spend time on the toilet. While I was in the bathroom, he boarded the ferry without me, taking with him all our belongings (including my phone and purse). The ferry left before I got back. I was deserted on the island while heavily pregnant, with the next ferry not leaving for another day. Thankfully, a kind shop owner volunteered to drive me to the next ferry port. When I got back to our hotel after two hours on a ferry and seven hours on a train, my husband was fast asleep. He’s an ex for a reason.»
This unfortunate day at Disney.
«My boyfriend and I got into a stupid argument at Disney World about how many rides we should go on, and we broke up right in the middle of Magic Kingdom. ‘Happiest Place on Earth,’ my ass.»
This secret thalassophobe.
«My then-boyfriend and I booked a trip to Hawaii months in advance, but by the time the trip came around, I knew that the relationship wasn’t going to work. We went anyway, and it was a disaster. It turned out that he hated the ocean, and he freaked out whenever we tried to do anything: jet skiing, snorkeling, you name it. None of this would have been a big deal had he told me about his fear of the ocean. But get this: All of the activities were his idea!»
This bathroom disaster.
«My ex and I stayed at a bed-and-breakfast one weekend, and while I was filling up the bathtub, the handle came off and water just started pouring out. The bathroom flooded before we could get help. The next day, I broke the toilet with a massive shit.»
This sloppy cheater.
«I drove from Iowa to Colorado with my then-boyfriend, his brother, and our roommate. One night I stepped outside our hotel to have a smoke, and when I came back to the room, my boyfriend and our roommate were having sex.»
This engagement miscommunication.
«My boyfriend and I went to the Grand Canyon with another couple. The other woman got drunk and told me that my boyfriend was planning on proposing to me on the trip. The first night of the trip, we got tipsy in the hot tub and I brought up what she had said. My poor boyfriend immediately shut me down, explaining that he hadn’t planned to propose, but that he felt terrible about the situation. Apparently I was more excited to get engaged than I had thought because I started crying when I realized it wasn’t actually happening. We’re able to laugh about it now that we’re married.»
This calendar mix-up.
«One year, I booked a trip to Orlando that began on March 15. When we got to the hotel, they couldn’t find our reservation, and they were completely booked. I started to get angry until I figured out that I had booked the hotel for Feb. 15. My husband was furious, and we had our worst fight of all time. I called my sister that night and told her I wanted a divorce. We were forced to stay in a roach motel that night, and just as we found a better hotel for the remaining days, I came down with what seemed like a cold. Turns out it was something much worse, and I was hospitalized for low blood counts. Worst five days of my life.»
This literal guilt trip.
«I was meant to go on vacation with my then-boyfriend but knew it wasn’t going to work out in the long run, so I called him to break up before the trip. He answered crying: His puppy had just been run over and killed. I couldn’t bear to dump him at that moment, so I sucked it up and went on the trip, which was four days on a remote farm with his entire family. Within a day, he admitted that our relationship was deteriorating, and we broke up. I couldn’t drive, and it was hours away from my house, so I had no choice but to go back with him and his family…three days later. It was awkward as hell.»
This epic road roast.
«Halfway through a road trip with my boyfriend, I got a Facebook message from a girl who claimed to be his other girlfriend (she had found out about me through mutual friends). Turns out, he had started dating her about a year and a half into our relationship, and they had been together for over a year. We had a blowout fight for the whole rest of the drive, all while she and I were swapping info over text and catching him in lies. Once we got to our destination, I took a cab to the airport and flew home.»
This man-child vs. the wild.
«My then-boyfriend ruined our Hawaii vacation by spending the whole time filming his version of Man vs. Wild that he called ‘Dan vs. Wild.’ I spent the whole vacation filming this man jumping off rocks, walking across the same path multiple times until we got the shot right, and voicing over commentary. Not one kiss from him during our whole week in ‘paradise.'»
And lastly, this nearly fatal hookup.
«My boyfriend and I vacationed at his family’s very old-fashioned house in far upstate New York. One day, while having sex outdoors, I hurt myself from sitting down too hard on his penis. We immediately looked down and there was blood everywhere. There was no bathroom for me to check myself out in, no running water to clean myself with, and no hospital nearby. After a few hours of rinsing with water bottles, I eventually found that we had somehow ripped the inside wall of my vagina.»
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